Den STORE OffTopic tråden....

[Lexgtturbo 135]

Så et par nyttige kurs der ja

[skoTner 98]

Skotner om noen mnd

Eeeeeeeeeekk.. Det var DET jeg hadde mareritt om ja! *grøss*

[Lexgtturbo 135]

HEHEHE!!! Har du hørt priusen på tomgang? HomoHomoHomoHomo.....

[Scandicshine.no 258]

Min nye hybrid bil

[Lexgtturbo 135]

Hadde ikke sagt nei takk til en sånn Tahoe nei

Forresten... vi må øke tempoet om vi skal klare 1000 innlegg til i morgen

[skoTner 98]

HEHEHE!!! Har du hørt priusen på tomgang? HomoHomoHomoHomo.....

Trodde ikke dem hadde tomgang jeg? Møtte en Prius-eier på Biltema her om dagen som leitet i hyllene etter tomgang, men fant det ikke. Han hadde vært i mange andre butikker også. Han måtte ned til den lokale forhandleren til slutt for å ettermontere tomgang, men den var det himla lang leveringstid på... så tror han skippa hele greiene.

[Lexgtturbo 135]

Ja dagen måtte bare komme når selv tomgang kom som orginalmontert ekstrautstyr.

[skoTner 98]

Så et par nyttige kurs der ja

Har noen kurs til kjerringa (evt. typen din) også:

Kurs 1

Hvordan holde kjeft sammenhengende i fem minutter.

- AVLYST: ingen påmeldinger.

Kurs 2

Hvordan få opp panseret på en bil.

- Praktisk veiledning av Martin fra Hankø.

Kurs 3

"Kom til saken". Kurs i hvordan å ikke gå rundt grøten.

- 10 kvelder av fem minutter. Praktiske øvelser.

Kurs 4

Hvorfor ikke ha tingene der de alltid har vært?

- Foredrag av Stevie Wonder.

Kurs 5

Matlaging som svigermor gjør det.

- Avlyst på grunn av drapstrusler.

Kurs 6

Klipping av kredittkort.

- Ta med lommetørkle.

[Scandicshine.no 258]

When asked to draw a picture of what they wanted to be when they grew up, second-grader "Sarah" turned in the lovely drawing shown below. Needless to say, the teacher was a bit surprised -- Mrs. Smith had always seemed like such a conservative woman. So she sent a note home to the girl's mother asking for clarification as to the picture's meaning.

*****here is the Mom's reply to teacher***

Dear Mrs. Jones,

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer.

I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.

From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Smith

MÅ LESES

And Then The Fight Started...

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping

channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming

anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0

to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her

someplace expensive... so, I took her to ; a gas station.

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply

for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for

my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and

realized

I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman

that I was very

sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt

revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on

your

chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social

Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my

experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have

dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school

reunion, and I kept staring at a drunk n lady swigging her

drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know

her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took

to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I

hear she hasn't been sober

since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on

celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason,

took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare,

please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" Nah, she can

order for herself."

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- ---

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,

'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

------------ --------- --------- ------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light

for

$14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the

cold cream.

And then the fight started....

------------ --------- --------- --------- -----

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I

told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday

and then the fight started.....

------------ --------- --------- --------- ------

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from

outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at

the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out

the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a

thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the

bedroom and

screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!' The woman yelled

back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And then the fight started.....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,

grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the

boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential

downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage,

turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all

day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back

into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different

anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is

terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my

stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And then the fight started .....

------------

--------- --------- --------- --------- ----

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while

we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have

sex?" "No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....

[skoTner 98]

Får meg til å tenke på YouTube sin desidert beste video:

[Scandicshine.no 258]

http://www.break.com/index/techno-viking-with-captions.html

hahaha

[Bernhard 2 386]

Meldte forøvrig Bernhard på noen kurs som han trenger i dag:

Kurs 1

Hvordan fylle opp et isterningsbrett.

- Steg for steg, med lysbildefremvisning.

Kurs 2

Toalettpapir, er det sant at de gror på dopapirholderen?

- Diskusjonsgrupper.

Kurs 3

Er det mulig å løfte opp toalettsetet før man urinerer, og går det an å urinere uten å treffe gulv, vegger og badekar?

- Praktiske øvelser.

Kurs 4

Grunnleggende forskjeller mellom skittentøykurven og gulvet.

- Bildefremvisning og funksjonsbeskrivende diagram.

Kurs 5

Etter middag, kan oppvask løfte seg opp og fly inn til kjøkkenvasken?

- Videoeksempler.

Kurs 6

Hvordan overvinne hjernesvinn når det gjelder å huske bursdager, årsdag, jubileum, andre viktige datoer og å ringe når du vet du blir sen.

- Hjernecelle-sjokkterapi og full lobotomi.

Kurs 7

Lære å finne ting, start med å se på de riktige stedene istedenfor å snu huset på hodet mens du skriker.

- Åpent forum.

Kurs 8

Å gi henne blomster er ikke skadelig for helsen.

- Grafikk og lydopptak.

Kurs 9

Ekte menn spør om veien når de har kjørt seg bort.

- Betroelser fra virkeligheten.

Kurs 10

Er det genetisk umulig å sitte rolig når hun lukeparkerer?

- Kjøresimulator.

Kurs 11

Hvordan bli den perfekte handlevennen.

- Avslapningsteknikker, meditasjon og pusteøvelser.

Kurs 12

Lære å leve: grunnleggende forskjeller mellom mor og kone.

- Online-klasse og rollespill. -----

Og alt dette skal prøve i praksis hjemme hos deg

[skoTner 98]

Og alt dette skal prøve i praksis hjemme hos deg

Selvfølgelig... er oppfølging til alle kursene.

[Scandicshine.no 258]

[skoTner 98]

Ja, det er nok drømmedame når du bor i Verdal

[Lexgtturbo 135]

Fatastisk bra ketil bravo!!!

[Scandicshine.no 258]

Er faktisk tatt av Bernhard, når han var på jakt i sin ungdom Slikt finner man barei Moss

Fra baren min

[skoTner 98]

Er faktisk tatt av Bernhard, når han var på jakt i sin ungdom Slikt finner man barei Moss

Ekke rart det lukter dritt i den byen nei.

[Lexgtturbo 135]

Sånn kan det gå når alt skal ut på anbud, Det blir vel ikke lenge til vi ser lignende her i landet....

[Scandicshine.no 258]

haha, den er kjip.

[Hans Marius 1 306]

OMG!!!!! 18 sider off-topic på under 24 timer..... Er det mulig... Sier litt om folk her inne Kommer ikke til å klare å holde følge her altså

[Scandicshine.no 258]

[Lexgtturbo 135]

Finanskrisen herjer fortsatt og har virkelig satt inn støtet mot VAG eiere

[skoTner 98]

Blir vel det samme som uttrykket "Norge for Nordmenn" vel?

OMG!!!!! 18 sider off-topic på under 24 timer.....

19 faktisk

Sånn kan det gå når alt skal ut på anbud, Det blir vel ikke lenge til vi ser lignende her i landet....

... slik som denne Poiti-bilen?

[Scandicshine.no 258]

Hvem gleder seg til sommeren??? ME